Love and togetherness

To live and let the other live,
To dream and let the other live his dream,
To fly and let the other journey across the ocean,
To dance and let the other enjoy the beat,
To cry and not let the other feel the pain,
To smile and let the other glisten like sunshine,
That's my idea of love and that's my idea of togetherness.....

To live an unshackled life, just like a bird, just like a wave, just like wind and just like sunshine..... 

The religious conundrum

I came across a snippet today which detailed out about a Fb page on "Boycott Marks & Spencer" because M&S has a policy wherein its employee can deny the customer the service needed solely on the ground that the service is against his religious beliefs. There is a backlash because people have found it to be against common sense and against the rule that "customer is the king" theory. http://www.ndtv.com/article/world/why-there-s-a-boycott-marks-and-spencer-facebook-page-462175

The whole thing got me thinking about is there a black and white in such a situation, is it actually possible to take a stance on it. If tomorrow I happen to work in a Cigarette or a Liquor company , the two products which are forbidden in my religion will my profession be considered "bad", is "the butcher" or for that matter "the hangman" bad people, because logically all they are doing is their work for which they get money to sustain themselves.

If tomorrow I decide to open a restaurant and decide to serve non-veg in it and realize it makes business sense for me to serve Halal meat than Jhatka will my act be against my religion?
 
Often do each one of us encounter situations, things which do not have white and black and that's the big conundrum of life.

Daddy don't judge me, please daddy don't judge me

Daddy don't judge me, please daddy don't judge me
I am your honour, I am your pride,
why on earth do you think I will take you for a ride,
You call me your diamond, you call me your crown,
then why on earth on me do you frown,
Daddy don't judge me, please daddy don't judge me
I am sometimes weak when the future looks bleak
Holding my hand with me you stand even when I am so meek
You are my sunshine, you make me feel like a light
Then why do we have this moral fight.....

Bliss

Pardaa kis toN raakhee da ,

kiyooN ohley beh beh jhaakeeda

PehlooN aapey saajan saajeedaa

hun dasnaa eyN sabaq namaajee da

hun aayaa aap nazaarey noon

wich leylaa ban ban jhaakeeda

Pardaa kis toN raakhee da

kiyooN ohley beh beh jhaakeeda

shah shamas dee khal lahaayo

mansoor nooN chaa soolee dawaayo

zakreerey sir kalwatar dharaayo

keeh leykhaa reh geyaa baaqee da

Pardaa kis toN raakhee da

kiyooN ohley beh beh jhaakeeda

Kun kehyaa fayakoon kahaayaa

Be-choonee da choon banayaa

Khaater teyraa jagat sajaayaa

Sir par chhatar lolaakee da

Pardaa kis toN raakhee da

kiyooN ohley beh beh jhaakeeda

Psychology

Human psyche has always been of great interest to me. There have been times when I have tried to see my behaviour in light of my psyche, be it my interpretation of my dreams or the kind of person I am. There are times when I feel like changing myself because I see no logic or reason behind my act and it is more because of the prejudice or liking which has been ingrained in me since childhood.

When ever I read some novel of an author I like to go back and read about his/her life history , it tells so much about how and why the person wrote what is wrote and I think invariably the dots got connected.

How would human mind be if nothing were ingrained or tutored into it. A child is so unaware of the prejudices and never differentiates between people. He/she comes on earth in purest of forms which lends so much power to it and which gets corrupted over years and then we have people who massacre thousands of people just on the basis of a different ideology, a different religion.
While I was reading something on psychology I stumbled upon Maslow's pyramid and no it wasn't the first time I was reading it. Have done it so many times but this one time it was different. .....cont..

Are you invited...

So the wedding season is here and I realized one thing and that is that I dislike going to weddings where my only purpose is to pick up the plate and have food. I have always believed weddings to be a very intimate affair and do not understand why on this earth so many people should be invited to it. The main ceremony of life is reduced to  photo clicking session  with relatives gossiping about how the lehenga of the bride looks and the money spent on jewellery and the bride and the groom just waits it to get over and done with it.
Weddings are not supposed to be a networking function, neither are they occasions to show the invitee that he/she belongs to the inner circle. I look at all of this and just hope that I don't have to do all this fancy dress competition and rather than enjoying my day I end up getting clicked with any Tom Dick and Harry who on earth I didn't even know existed on earth till date with no offence to them and for the guests the occasion doesn't end up being "mark my attendance" kind of thing.

Color me

Color me everyday with new hues and let it fade with the rising sun,
For I want to be clean slate everyday, and then it will be all fun,  
Let me awaken as a child everyday -unperturbed and innocent ,
Conjuring a new world of fairies and elfs , always effervescent,

Musical kid me na

I was never a musical kid, infact my folks tried really hard to  make me learn anything worthwhile. I was more of the jumping jack. So as an entertainment and as a showcase to the guests who would come home, I was asked to show them how well I climb up the rods of a swing , my sister called me "bandariya" for that but I always thought myself a gymnast. Coming back to music, so it was back in 1995 or so my parents as a religious thing thought of making me and my sister learn harmonium and tabla. As I was the hoarse one and devoid of any patience and again the clumsy one I was told " Tabla it is for you". Well my sister progressed on harmonium well ,I was still stuck with  those two black and white concentric circles, hitting them again and again till my finger hurt. Infact I spent more time with the hammer hitting on the outskirts of tabla praying that the skin of the table would tear one day and I would be done and over with it forever. But as it is with fate, everything takes time to happen. In the meantime the babaji who used to come to teach us realised it was useless effort on me as everyday I had some new excuse ranging from stomach upset to my finger bone getting tilted.So, finally table just became one of the instruments to keep me occupied so that I would learn to sit in patience for good 1 hr. The tabla post our stint in Ludhiana became a forgotten item, as it never bothered me again I too never bothered it and hence never prayed for it to tear down. One fine day as we were packing our stuff again my mom came across the table pair and the moment she opened the skin was gone, it was like an empty vessel and as I peeped into it looking at its condition I realised how many memories I had with it and how much I had wanted it to break then but now I miss it (this was just to sound little emotional).
Today after so many years I again held an instrument and this time I wanted to learn it for so long. It felt like I was transported back to 1995 when I was an excited kid always eager to try out new things.

Heart of a prostitute

Sometimes life makes you a prostitute, in that case you better be damm good one and choose the clients who are worthy enough to screw you.

Na sadoh ni mainu kanjari main vi kadeh sigih Taranjani,
Main vi charka katdih si teh main vi buhe khaloundih si,
Main vi jhanjaraan paundih si teh main wangaanh chankaundih si.....
Naa aakoh ni mainu kanjari, main vi kadeh akhoon kadeh hanju wagaondih si...

Ayn Rand Anthem

“I stand here on the summit of the mountain. I lift my head and I spread my arms. This, my body and spirit, this is the end of the quest. I wished to know the meaning of all things. I am the meaning. I wished to find a warrant for being. I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. Neither am I the means to any end others may wish to accomplish. I am not a tool for their use. I am not a servant of their needs. I am not a sacrifice on their alters.” 

Ayn Rand you never fail to inspire.

Kaash

Kaash main tera aaina banh jaavan, teri rooh dah parchaavan ban jaavan,
Kaash main tera marham banh jaavan, teri ankhi miklaeh hanju par dard main seh jaavan,
Kaash main tera chaanan banh jaavan, teri amavas di raat wich tera deeva banh jaavan,
Kaash kaash kaash
Kaash main teri muskurahat banh jaavan, tereh muhoon niklih faryaad banh jaavan, tere jeevan di saveer banh jaavan, tera guroor banh jaava, Kaash main tere dil dih hoor banh jaavan, teri akh dh noor banh jaavan...

Strange are the ways of love, one submits oneself willingly to an extent that he/she is ready to become the lower one. Reminds me of song  " Jeh tu rab nu manunah pehle yaar nu manah" one of the inspirations behind what I wrote.

Random....

Strange are the ways of heart it beats for the heart which dies when it skips the beat ,
Strange are the ways of soul it sings for the soul when in pain it is and there is no one to console,
Strange are the ways of hope, it hopes when over the river there is no rope,
Hey  I don't wanna meet you baby,for I am in love with you maybe,
I don't want to look into your eyes, for I don't want my heart beat to rise,
In my heart's heart I say how the hell can I love you baby , and then the heart says coz " I am not in your control maybe"


  

The mind and the heart

My mind tried explaining to my heart that there was no God, but as always is the case with me, my heart didn't agree with my mind. And this time I let the heart win and the mind said , " fine if it works for you, it works for me, I just want you to be happy and the heart smiled back". I realised it is futile to keep fighting with the heart, it is like that husband wife relation that the mind and heart have with each other, wherein they will always be together and yet will be at loggerheads always, telling the other that I am more sorted out than you but seeking each other's tacit approval always. 

Me

This time when I walked I knew the moment had come to arise awake and walk. I had my answers and I knew what eternal happiness is, the god inside spoke and said the answer my friend is blowin in the wind.....
This time when I saw the mirror it was a killer smile, twinkling eyes and the fearless heart, the tigress in me had awakened....

Nature bride and the groom

And I drove the cycle and went uphill,
Not to ride but to see the cliff touching the sky,
To see the sun playing the link, to see the moon at the brink,
And I drove the cycle and went to the sea,
Not to ride but to see the sun merging into ocean,
To see the waves shining like silver in the moon, to see the bride nature and the its groom.....

For I wish.....

Let the sun rays fade away the lines of my hand,

For I wish to write my fate on the sand,

Let the rain wash away the sand,

For I wish I didn't belong to any land,

Like a bird I fly over the ocean, like the wind I blow over the mountains

Like a flower I bloom in the sun, like a firefly I glisten in the night

Idea of togetherness

And we keep walking, hand in hand, in silence, no questions asked, no replies sought, no fear of loosing, no pretence, just the two of us naked souls,  just the eyes, nothing more, nothing less. With every step merging into each other like one self and reflection....

That's my idea of togetherness.....

I wish I were a book with so many pages, and it would last for so many ages

I wish I were a book with so many pages, and it would last for so many ages
Every day a new chapter written , every moment a new word etched,
New thought, new desire, new pain, do you think I am a liar,
No black and no white , no love and no fight
No scar , no mate , no destiny, no fate,
I wish I were a book with so many pages, and it would last for so many ages

Sikh- the learner in me

I wish I were a content girl, happy in whatever I have,
No it is not the money that pulls me, and it is not the luxuries that attract me,
It is not the gold that makes me glitter it is the carving process of the ornament that excites me,
It is not the painting that attracts me it is interpretation and the thought that conceived it,
It is not the sound that attracts me it is the lyrics and the music that led to its genesis,
It is the hunger to see more, to travel more, to experience more, to learn more,
I am a hungry woman who wants to know everything and yet know nothing.....

I think life is like a treasure hunt, the fun isn't in it being static, the beauty is in the momentum, the adrenalin is in the newness. When life doesn't move it frustrates me, and when I am not learning everyday I feel like a pauper.....

“My happiness is not the means to any end. It is the end. It is its own goal. It is its own purpose.”

A man approaching his retirement often questions himself/herself about " What Next", " How will the life be , will I be treated in the same way as I have been treated in the past". The person starts questioning the purpose of his existence and begins to interpret the reactions of people around in different fashion, it becomes difficult for the person to accept that after sometime , "I shall not be the bread winner for the family and the people around will start questioning the superiority of my position and the decisions I take".
Well I never thought I would be able to empathise with the something of this sort, but I somehow can understand and feel the same emotions because I went through this whole questioning myself about " what is the purpose of my existence". I crossed out lot of things from the list- earning loads of money, marriage, kids, an awesome career, achievement of nirvana ; no I am not saying I don't want any of the above , in fact I want to have everything mentioned above but none of them is the sole purpose of my existence. But then what is it and I think the answer is " Happiness", eternal happiness is the sole purpose of my existence. At different times I will get it from different things, and different people. I wish I am able to live a life in which " my existence" is not defined by others but by myself, I don't want to life for someone else but for myself because if I can't find happiness with in myself I won't be able to find it with anyone else, the boredom will eventually creep in and that will be the end of it.

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours.” 

“I regret nothing. There have been things I missed, but I ask no questions, because I have loved it, such as it has been, even the moments of emptiness, even the unanswered-and that I loved it, that is the 
unanswered in my life.”

“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.” 




—AYN RAND

Into the sun....

Whisper of the winds tell me a story,

As I walk by the sea they make me a fairy,

Overflowing tresses and sunshine in my eyes,

the sand houses and the shells by the shore,

Did I tell you baby I play with them all, did I tell you baby I play with them all

We walk into sun through the ocean,

Hand in hand we set waves in motion,

You look into sun and then you look in my eyes,

I hold your gaze and together we shine with the sunrise,

By the sea we ride together , me holding you tight forever

Like a wave riding the ocean, you set my heart into the motion.
oh yeah baby we walk into the sun through the ocean

The rising sun, the sand castles, the blowing wind, the sea shells and the wind are my poison. They make me high about the life. They are the fuel for my soul. The white dress, the free flowing hair, the gleaming eyes, the strong hand and the the sea all of them make me feel so free.

And I keep walking....

And I walk down the road, for I like to keep walking,
And the moments came, and the winds called my name,
And I keep walking for I want to see the rain,
Maybe the storm and maybe the sand,
Will tell the rain that I don't want to see the pain,
For I like to smile and I want it as big a mile
And I keep walking and I keep smiling...

Religion and Politics

I attended my first political rally today, it was a different experience. I felt so much empowered and liberated. The atmosphere was a strange mashup of reverence, scepticism,energy, anger, selfishness. When you see a chai walla along with an IIT grad canvassing for a  cause which though common but equally private to them, one definitely wonders.

Then I happened to visit gurudwara and I saw mixing up of politics and religion in the same breath. I have always disliked that but I think I am wrong in that. The concept of Miri-Piri, Saint-Solider, I think there is big gap or ignorance about it in me and which needs to be researched.

Jugni: I me myself

Jugni patah nih kardih kenuh chase, dus tareekeh deh usdeh phase,

Veh meriya veh jugni, jugni kadeh git pit gallan kardih ni teh kadeh oh barf vi bandih ni,

oooooooooo

Jugni takhdih rehndi ni, har cheez navi navi, par oh kehndih kujh vi nahi, ve meriya vi jugni

veh meriya ve jugni turdih ni oh question markaan wich uljhi rehndih ni, 

oooooooooooooo

Jugni jaandih mall badeh, shaunk osnu ni vadeh,

paaveh juttiyaan teh wadeh heelereh,  naaleh cheedih naal chadeh,

Veh meriya veh jugni veh meriya veh jugni kehndih ni oye kadeh veh mem bandih ni.,

ooooooooooooooo

Jugni labdih rehneh rab nu, akheh aap nu har veleh , haiga oh kis deh dereh 

Ve meriya veh jugni kehndih ni 

Apne aap uljhi rehndih ni

oooooooooo.......

Jugni haigi ni banjaaran, badih chanth ji mutiyaaran,oh pajdih rehndi,

Oh pajdih kis deh kollon, 

koi teh oh raaz farolloh

Veh meria veh jugni, veh meriya veh jugni kehndih ni

oh naam sai dah, o naam sai dah lehndih ni.......contd....

Na aaya tu mere mahiya veh

Meri akh di radak tere dil wich paveh,
Meri hanjuuan deh meh tereh chabare vi hovanh
Teriyaan raahvaan takhdih neh, umar langayiaan veh
Na aaya tu mere mahiya veh, na aaya tu mahiya veh

Shield around my heart

I got shield around my heart,

I love you baby, oh yeah oh yeah, I do I do I do,

But you are not the world to me baby,

Yes you heard me right you heard me right

And I don't want to hold you tight, 

I don't want to possess you , and I don't want cage my heart 

I won't let you in and I don't want to face the din,

I had a life before you and I want to have it now too

And I don't want to hold you tight coz I know then I will fight
I wont let you tether me and I won't cling on to you

I got shield around my heart and I won't let you in ya I won't let you in

My fight with my fear

The only thing that I hate about myself is that I fear. I fear failure, I fear rejection, I fear pain and I fear that the happiness will be shortlived. There is a certain degree of anguish that I have in me towards myself about this strange habit of mine. I wish fear were some organ I would have cut it out and life would have been so much better.

I fear the fear and I dont know why,
What has to happen will happen and should happen,
I want to kill the fear and I want to live my life
Let the soul be so strong and let the sun be so bright,
You got to win baby, yes you got to win baby
Even if the road is so narrow you got to walk that down
I want to stand at the cliff and scream at the sky,

Jugni ji

My love for sea is like my love for me
I see same things in it that I see in myself
The same turbulence, the same calmness
Sometimes it takes all in, so accepting and sometimes so stubborn
Sometimes so smooth and sometimes so ferocious
Changing itself as the day changes
gulping the sun and dancing with the moon

Oh my sea you are me and I am you,
We play with the wind, dance with the moon and fight with the sun,
You and I sit by the stone and cry alone,
You and I are never still and our shore no one knows
baby you and I carry a whole world inside us and a folklore
Tell me why you like this and I am like you  

I look up and down

And I look up and down,
I look at the sun I look at the sky,
I look at the earth and the fly,
I look at me I look at the wind,
the red is red, the white is white the word's so bright.

Two fellow travellers

I met you as a stranger, a fellow traveler and I don’t know how long the journey will last for,

Will it be for the lifetime or will the paths separate at the next turn,

Like the two travelers talk, we talk, we laugh and we discuss life

Two different people, different perspectives, different faces and what binds I don’t know

Someone once told me people meet for a reason, I don’t know what is it

But all I know and as I always say when two people meet they leave a part of themselves behind and carry part of each other with them…..

Ve mere rabba main kadeh dera na laavan kiseh vi thaan teh,
Tu hi akhya si jeh tu vasya reha teh ujran da nasha ki jaanehga, Hawa teh dariya da kandah kiven pachaanehnga......

The beautiful music of nature

Often do I sit by the sun to feel its rays on my face,
I feel the cold wind mixed with the sun and feel its warmth,
Sometimes I feel life is like that it has its cold winds hurting the body and then there is the sun which mingles with the wind and warm it down
I see those birds which fly in tandem from one end to another, together they move, their unsaid formations a beauty in its own,
I hear the rustle of trees they dance as if the leaves wear a sort of trinket around them, each one making a beautiful sound
I keep looking at all of these with admiration for I find all of this so much in sync with each other , not a single note up or down like a perfect symphony

Now I know why I have always been so outspoken about sex and its importance...

Ayn Rand's philosophy

The man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures—which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man’s sense of his own value . . .

The men who think that wealth comes from material resources and has no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think—for the same reason—that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of one’s mind, choice or code of values. They think that your body creates a desire and makes a choice for you just about in some such way as if iron ore transformed itself into railroad rails of its own volition. Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he’s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment—just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!—an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience—or to fake—a sense of self-esteem . . . . Love is our response to our highest values—and can be nothing else.

Why I like the underdog?

My mother teaches couple of kids at our house, they were five and then one of them left for West Bengal. Of the remaining four the eldest when started coming to our house was on a very weak footing.The reason for that was because his study base wasn't that strong as he joined the studies late. My mother would often complain that she gets tough time teaching him and we always told her let's keep literacy for him as the target and not expect him to top in his class or do very well. His brother is a bright child, quick learner to say, easily picking up stuff and naughty to the core. The elder is calm, quite and a responsible child. Initially he wasn't very interested in studies so all he did was concentrate of his writing and aesthetics, he would keep copying the class work to the home work copy and trying to perfect his handwriting. He covers his books well and likes to look at pictures. Initially he would often get scolded by my mom as he wouldn't talk and speak out words but one thing was always constant in him, he would keep coming back to her, trying to read the chapter, trying to understand the pictures. He often asks me about different things, sometimes he comes to me for english lessons and everytime I explain him something though he is not able to reproduce it in English but he explains it to me in Hindi. His willingness to learn and struggle has always made me admire him.He is an example of a kid who wants to know more,no study but learn more, help his parents more. There is a strange kind of sensitivity I see in him and that's the most attractive thing about him.

I don't get attracted to perfect things, I have never been, I never get in awe of them, there is different spark in people that attracts me and it is the madness or their eccentricities or their ability to strive and not care about the world and what it thinks about them. 

Religion does it still bind?

Today while having my lunch I came across some news which highlighted the religious bias people have while renting out/ selling houses in Mumbai. Well it isn't something new and I infact had a first hand experience to it. A friend of our's, a muslim by religion, a very educated one faced so many problems while renting a house in mumbai. Strange enough when she stayed with me in my house for 2 months I for once never ever felt that she was different than us. Mumbai though is regarded as a very cosmopolitan city, but the first question anyone will ask will be what are you; my religion and my punjabiness acquired a new meaning or I should say I became all the more aware of my religion once I was in Mumbai. Infact all the while I had seen my dad as a very secular and open minded person and he also imbibed in us the same, but for the first time I could see in him the urge to fiercely protect his identity. Going back to the same news clip I then happened to ask my parents would you be fine renting out your house to a muslim , to this my dad relpied , yes and I know it meant it, and my mother had ten filters to who all she wont rent her house to which offfcourse included muslims, bachelors (infact i realized she wont wont even rent out her house to me if I will ask, considering she thinks I won't manage it well).
 In the Indian politics I see people like Narendra Modi in the PM's race, it scares me somewhere considering his past record of Gujarat. I am equally anti Congress for they have been instrumental in carrying out more riots that BJP infact......contd  

Crossroads

Have you ever been at the crossroads,
They always put me in thinking mode,
I freeze to see various paths, for I don't know which one to face and let the other fade....
I wish I were a feather,
light and fleeting forever,
carried with wind wherever

Happiness what is it?

Trying times and free time always makes one think about things which otherwise one would't even bother thinking about in the routine rigmarole. Today while I was sitting in a gurudwara and the aarti was going on and there comes a paragraph where Bhagat Dhanaji says that"Oh lord I ask for my basic sustenance (food, oil, lentils and good quality grains which makes me feel fulfilled)". This made me wonder about what is that I seek in my life which will give me happiness and this talk between me and me started. I tried to rewind my life five months back where I had very disposable income and all I had to spend on was on me. I made trips to malls like every weekend , went out to pubs, discotheques almost every weekend again, saw movie every friday, went to high end restaurants every weekend again. Well did all of this give me happiness- the answer would be yes it did- first two three times I went there but after that it was like a normal thing and not something I would look forward too, infact I once slept in a discotheque because I was too bored. It is not that that I don't  like doing all the above mentioned things-I do, but all of that lost its charm eventually. Then i thought maybe if I treat myself with expensive creams, purfumes, dresses, shoes..so I was a Bodyshop person I moved to MAC and tried finding happiness in that, am eventually I realized both the cosmetics are same because my face is reflection of my soul which if happy will glow on its own and if not these cosmetics will only be able to hide the flaws but not remove them. Though I offcourse always aspired to buy MAC and when that achievement was made that gave me happiness not the product, so the conclusion is my happiness is not dependent on the product perse but the sense of achievement I had to fulfill my aspiration .........contd....
       

Destiny or Kirat

There are times when things are not going right or the path is unclear I get to hear words such as "Destiny", and "Kismet". When I am frustrated with the things and get cranky about the happenings my mother tells "beta jinnah likhya hai ohnah hi milna hai" , well the words do give me solace for sometime but again I am back in my old mode. As I was growing up I realized I don't like saying "Best of luck" to people, I always wished them with "Do well". I have never been believer of luck for maybe because I never scored more than I had studied, never won when I had not worked hard, and never got anything which I did not aspire for. Yes, god has been kind but have I been plain lucky with whatever I got -no I haven't been and I hope I don't.
Some years back I had written a poem about destiny and it ended like " Subdued but not subjugated, fragile but firm, my destiny a silent waiting". The feeling that my life is not controlled by me makes me restless, I have never come to terms with the fact that someone else can decide for me and all I can do is walk down that path. My actors in life were people who stood up vociferously for what they believed in , the novels I read , the people I respected have always been the ones who were " Go-getters". I dreamt of marrying person like "Howard Roak" of fountainhead and hated characters such as "Devdas". For me Devdas stood for only one thing spineless and meek not even a lover, for he who cannot take a decision for the person he supposedly loved and instead drowned himself in liquor is no man to me.
I have never been a big fan of palmistry , I think it is waste of energy and spoils spontaneity. If my action was governed solely by shani and what not then I better sit at home and not bother about working ,earning etc. A friend told me once that for a woman left hand is her's and right hand belongs to her husband , I did laugh at her later I heard another interpretation which was that left hand is what one is blessed with and right hand is what you make out of life for yourself. I don't know what the truth is but I prefer the second one over the first. And from that time onwards all I have done is notice how my lines on my right hand , my "karta" hand changed . I don't think I can believe in destiny maybe because I have word "Kirat" in my name which is every essence means work, and I think that alone defines me and nothing else namely rahu no ketu can. 

And I never looked at the mirror again

And I never looked at the mirror again,
For I never wanted to see the face,
For I wanted to see the soul, and I could not see it anymore
And I never looked at the mirror again,
For I never wanted to see the eyes,
For I wanted to see the shine, and I could not see it anymore
And I never looked at the mirror again
For I never wanted to see my lips
For I wanted to see the smile, and I could not see it anymore
I will look into the mirror the day I see me in it which I see no more

Define God.....

I don't want to search god in books
nor do I want to search him in temples and gurudwaras
I want to search him in the eyes of kids, I want to search him in the mountains and gorges,
I want to search him in the flutter of wings, and in the blowing winds
I don't want to fear him I want to sit with him at the tea stall,
I want to feel him in the stories and in the fables of people, in their laughter and in their tears
I don't want to define god, I don't want to define myself....

 

Brouhaha called life

I grew up in a commotion or call it a melee, call it a flux, call it a bedlam or call it a pandemonium, they are all same just that it was always peaceful. I have a great family, no complaints, no bad memories it was all hunky dory, just that we never stood still, we kept moving from one city to another and one house to house another. I never fell in love with the place, I never got attached to friends, (no I did) but with the feeling that in a short span I will move on again, the paths will change and the fellow passengers too will. I never cried when we moved, I would always be excited about the new school, new culture, new friends and yes the new air, I loved the flux. The loved the butterflies in my stomach when I entered the new class, to new faces every other year, I never feared newness, I never feared changes. Little did I knew that that flux will act like a drug, an ecstacy pill and everytime I would want more of it. I never belonged to a place I just carried a part of it with me and left a part of me behind.The only thing that was stable all throughout my life was my family, the four of us, and each one stood behind the other like a pillar of strength. The same things happened in everything I did be it workplace, be it friends, be it books, and be it music. The moment some stability in my life would come a buzzer would ring inside my head that I would know its time to move on.
I don't know if I can live a normal settled life, I also don't know if I can live with a person who has set ways in life. I meet people, I talk to them, I search in them the same momentum which is in me. I don't know if I can lead a normal settled life I haven't picturized my life in that way or should I say I haven't picturized my life at all. I have always wanted it to be as spontaneous as winds, as water and as birds.

Tell me do I search you first or do I search him.......

The journey's are long and the winds are strong,
The paths are confusing and roads are broken,
My heart is weak and my soul is meek,
I have no shelter and I have no home,
I am a traveller, a hyppie, a nomad
I need a hand, to walk with me,
The woods are slippery and its dark,
When I slip he holds me, when he slips I hold him,
Together we walk into the sun,
When we walk we walk hand in hand
I will know him by the look in his eyes and he will know me by the smile on my lips
We may not talk but our souls do
Together we will walk and together we will see you....
Tell me do I search you first or do I search him.......

Labdih rooh

Ek raat amavas di si,
ek vaaen paandih rooh si,
oh kehndih si tu kenu paieh si labdih,
tu taan aap gavaachi firdih,
tu paavein surkhi lavein tu yaan jhanjaraan chankavein,
tu yaan mathein teekhein yaan tavetaan pavein,
tu ghomdih si galliyaan mahalleh,
tu labhan challi si kiseh hor nu, gavachi aap si phirdih
Ek puranmaashi di raat si, pher tuh vekhein apni rooh si.....